Aluminum Free Fast Food

Mcdonalds as of 10-31-09

Unknown if it contains Aluminum or not
Cookies
Pies

Contains Aluminum
Pickles -
Chicken nuggets -
Biscuit Sandwiches

Aluminum free/ ok to eat
Sandwiches and Hamburgers (as long as they don't have any pickles)
Cheese
French fries and the salt on them
Parfaits
Apple Dippers and Carmel
Ice cream and cones
Salads and Dressings

Update on my church calling...

At first, I had a hard time going to relief society after so many years of being in the primary. I love the benefits our family experiences from the church organizations, and I know they are all ran by volunteers, someone must make each organization work if we are to have it.

My ward is so small that everyone has at least one calling, some people two or three. This small ward helps everyone feel important and counted. This we love.

The bishop and everyone who became aware of me turning down my calling and why, were more then very understanding, they were very caring. But I still was afraid to sit in Relief Society as one of the few people who don't have a calling, I was afraid it would feel to me and others like I was not pulling my weight. Thankfully, and predictably I got no such feeling.

When a calling changes in my small ward the bishop plays musical callings, as a ward we joke about it. It becomes a complicated dance of moving everyone around to a new seat without one calling left unfilled. I believe this last round of musical callings was really complicated for the bishop. Two of the most reliable mutual leaders asked to be relieved, as well as some of the primary presidency, and me as a teacher, and his wife as a member of the relief society presidency. I was not the only one that asked to have no calling for a while, there were at least three of us that did. For such a small ward, three key members all asking for a relief from callings for a time, is a significant thing. We have a hard time filling callings as it is. I can only imagine that it was difficult for the bishop to work out.

On Sunday all the organizations were still running smoothly with their newest changes, and every thing looks like it worked out. And I believe I will be comfortable attending relief society, and having no calling for a while.

Aluminum makes me have some strange emotional reactions....

First I remember many of the times when people have expressed in any way criticism of me.

Then I totally believe that the criticism is valid, and that they meant the worst of any number of ways their comment could be taken.

Then I feel low and messed up for all those ways I can be criticised.

Then I can only see my flaws, and nothing good about my self.

Then I get depressed.

I then repeat the previous thoughts while I am alone curled up in fetal position on my bed over and over.

As they repeat I get more suspicious of other people. I believe less and less that anyone likes me at all, or that I could be liked at all by them, and more and more that everyone around me is malicious towards me.

I start to want to lash out in anger at these people, or to cut off all contact with these people, or give them a taste of their own medicine.

Thankfully I have children who interrupt such pity parties.

Mama Muffin

Falling Asleep at the keyboard

I am trying to read through and post emails that fit to my blog. But I keep falling asleep. I just now almost banged my head on the keyboard because of the sleepy head nod. I guess I need a nap.

The following post is written very quickly to get you caught up, before I need to go make dinner, sorry for how rough it is.

I planned to write on Saturday, but then my DH had the day off unexpected. Then I planned on writing on Sunday... And I can not remember why I did not.. Then I told myself for sure I wanted to write on Monday, but again my DH had the day off... And now again Today I told myself for sure to write.. but then I got distracted with updating my kids homeschool blog. By the time I realised that I had used my writing time my kids were hungry and I had to attend to them.... And then my DH got the day off again...... He had been getting allot of time off to give me support, which has been wonderful...

Actually... I told myself that I was dwelling too much on me. You have told me little tid bits about yourself here and there, and I have felt uncomfortable getting too personal in your life if you did not want to.. Then I realised before the weekend that I was being too self absorbed and that I should go ahead and respond to the things you wrote about your life that interested me. But that type of writing would take more thought and focus. So I always tried to plan for uninterrupted time to give you a more thoughtful response... which, alas is not something that comes my way often. So it kept getting pushed off. I did not realise until now how long it had been, I was thinking it had only been a few days. I did update the blog.. oh, on Saturday I was going to write to you, but the blog took longer then I expected.

I am glad to report that i have gotten a TON done. I have cleaned out my kitchen, and mostly cleaned out my office. And the dumpster did come finally, that is another reason I was occupied, and cleaned off my garage.

Through advice from a friend I have retaken up daily scripture reading with my kids, though I had recently rebelled against it.

This might be another reason I did not post today.. Or Monday.. I took a urine test, and it tested almost no aluminum. So either I am a hypoconrdiac, or the test is a 24 hour test and only shows me I am doing good to keep it out of my diet, or some other explanation...

got to run.

Checking in...

The truth is I have not devoted as much attention to my children and them removing aluminum from their diet. I asked their girl scout leader about not having aluminum in their snacks, and she gave no solution or ideas... I noticed one day after girl scouts they were more cranky, that could be because of aluminum. I am not sure.

It seems I am limited in many ways more then just aluminum. Lol, I just feel human at this point. I think AAT will cure my brain fog depressed days. But I am not sure it can cure me of my humanity. My husband found this LDS scripture the other day in his reading, D&C 60:13 “Thou Shalt Not Idle Away Thy Time nor Bury Thy Talents”. There it is, listed in thou shalt terms, just like a commandment.

We have a family constitution that we read and memorise, that summaries many of the things we value and want to improve on. My kids have memorised "D&C 75:3 Behold, I say unto you that it is my will that you should go forth and not tarry, neither be idle but labor with your might--" .... sigh I have such a weakness of idling....

My blogging is in many ways my idling...

As I see it I have three major weaknesses...

1. Aluminum
2. Lack of faith and large amounts of doubt that my efforts will result in good
3. a habit of being idle, and idling away my time.

So AAT can help me improve #1, which might help me have more of #2, but #3...... I am not sure I want to give up hours of watching Rhett and Link on YouTube, or browsing on Amazon, or blogging, or emailing, or IMing, or Face Book, or many of the other idle things I do....

The Lds church really speaks out against addictions and substance abuse. I am addicted to food, and the Internet. I cant judge another's addiction, I done seem to even want to give up my own, I just am lucky to have a less destructive one.. or am I?

I can imagine all the happiness that would come to me if I were "anxiously engaged in a good cause". But that does not seem to stop the habit of living on and for the computer, and food....

I should spend more time with my kids, cleaning, packing, and being a good neighbor. But here I sit at the computer.

I think I am having a mild aluminum reaction today. My head feels foggy, and I don't really think much of myself....

Ok so there was run of thoughts randomness from me.

I am really very self absorbed.. But I really don't have time to care about others... Or it feels that way.

I will post when I am in a good mood and feel I can become the person I want to become, that will be an up day to balance out a mild down day.


Muffin Mama

An Update

That totally fits my life. Since you said that I have looked back over my life and seen how socially awkward I was, and I am glad I have learned as many social lessons as I have so far, thankfully I can now participate in a neighborhood more effectively. Growing up with aluminum has seemed to effected my social skills.

I can PLAN on a good day... almost. It is amazing. I long ago gave up planning on anything, and how I would do it. I avoid aluminum at all costs in food now. I never want another day like after that danish. I went to my SIL's home again on Sunday, I ate no cake, and no cookies and cream ice cream... but I did eat the chocolate ice cream.

My husband took 4-5 days off of his second job over these past two weeks. It has been amazing! You are right, I am so fortunate to have him. When he is home or will be home in the evening I don't flow into a thoughtful mood, so I never sit down to write. But when I am alone for a good part of the day, I do.

We cleaned out part of the pantry... On Saturday we cleaned the Master Room, even under the bed. Now I am going to go sort out bins in the organisers and closet.... TTFN (as Tigger would say to Winnie the Pooh, Tah Tah For Now)

A solution after all this time...

After that danish I ate at my SIL's I see what I am up against with aluminum. I do not like it. I can not estimate for you how many dark days of my life have been spent just like that. I can not recapture how much of a failure I felt I was, and how much I felt I was choosing to be lazy. It is such a relief to know what causes that. The Lord works in mysterious ways. I struggled greatly with aluminum up and until the moment I no longer had the strength to struggle against it, then I found JoAnne Struve's web page....

No that does not do justice to the Lord. He is not the one that started all of this. He is against aluminum poisoning I am sure. But alas, society has to learn from our mistakes, so that means we need to see the consequences of the past. I just finally, after years of research and reading, asked the right question and got the right answer.... That is not quite right either....

I remember the day I found out about aluminum. It was a frustrating day. I could not get myself to do any work, I was shut down, agitated, and my brain was foggy. I remembered how a few days earlier I had thought about how aluminum was a known cause of short term memory loss, which was the symptom that I was noticing the most. I really wanted to be working, and was afraid I would waste my time if I logged back on the the Internet, but the Lord told me to do it anyways, I am so glad I did.

Cinnamon Roll Humor

Don't you just want to take a bite?

A picture is worth a thousand words...

To bad I can not send their smell through the computer. Maybe in the future computers will not only let us see and hear, but also smell. Of course it would only give you a synthetic scent, and most synthetic scents are toxic.

Some humor...

This is Mama on Muffins

This is Mama on her new fetish... Cinnamon Rolls!

All great fetishes need a theme song....

Still... My home baked 100% Whole Wheat Pumpkin Chocolate Chip muffins can't be beat. But I am not organised enough to start baking again yet. Cinnamon Rolls are available at the supermarket, which is where we are heading before I drop off my kids at their cousins, while I go and craft with Relief Society.

Pray, step, pray, step.

On Wednesday I needed to write every little thing good, and listen to music, inorder to have the faith to try. I call that phase pray, step, pray, step. Today I am feeling great and have allot to get done...

I told my husband about what happened when I ate that danish. He was amazed. My whole life I have had bad days when I could not get myself to do anything productive. Very much like the day I wrote about after the danish. I cant tell you how much they have made me feel like a failure. I cant tell you how many self help remedies I have tried. But greatest challenge I face in my life right now is the loss of faith and hope. This is because I have hit my head against the brick wall of those bad days for too long. I stopped believing I could fix them.... I still had not gotten back to the point where I believed I could fix them. Only to the point where I decided to have faith in the Lord, and that I would put in the effort to try to change them, only on the principal that I needed to have faith. In some ways my faith was one of... I will have faith it will strengthen me... But I do not believe it can be changed.... Knowing about aluminum... might be the main and biggest miracle I have praid for, or have not prayed for because I lost hope, in all of my married life.

My #1 goal since I got married was... Be mentally healthy, and have a clean home...

Good Days and Bad Days

Today seems to be a medium day. I am not sure if I ate something with aluminum in it. I am still not being ultra vigilant in my AAT, I read labels and avoid many foods, but there are still areas where I could be exposed to aluminum. My brain is feeling clogged, and I am stressing about things more. The more I stress the more my brain feels clogged. Thankfully my husband is home today. We will be filling up a dumpster, and sending in more mortgage documents.

It makes sense that exposure to aluminum can cause good days and bad days. I wonder if other factors also cause good days and bad days.

The last time I had to move from our temporary housing back to our home after the fire was huge challenge. Granted I did go through some miscarriages around the time of the move. But I remember a very dark month where I spent many hours alone crying and willing myself to live. I am a very prideful person, all my life I have been treated somewhat as an incompetent person. All my life except for in my new ward. So when I am having personal struggles the first thing I try to do is hide my incompetence. I look back, when I was so low and struggling so hard, and I still attempted to fulfill my primary and activity days callings, only hinting at my struggles if the topic could not be avoided. That was such a dark time when I had to actively fight the urge to be suicidal. I am out of that scary place thankfully. But I am still very stressed and emotionally volatile. I also feel lazier or more run down less hopeful. What I am trying to say is I do not believe I have as much strength to fight if I were to experience a nervous breakdown.


I do not feel I am lacking in opportunities for personal growth right now. It feels like I am moving, decluttering and remodeling all on my own. Because of how much my husband works. Many wonderful people have offered to help us. But I can not have them help. Part of it is my incompetence pride. I fear that if I rely on anyone I prove my incompetence. But there is more to it then that. My home is too messy. I can not clean my home because nothing has a place where it belongs. I can only pack up out of the mess. I just cant describe it, or explain it, but my brain understands it.

Decluttering really is on my shoulders. I can not expect anyone to come in my home and make the decision of keep or DI for me.

And it is bigger then the move. Even after the move. I want to start to find happiness. I am afraid if I add to my life another commitment that I can not fulfil I will jeopardise my happiness. I need space and room and time in a relaxed environment. That is where I thrive. I cant explain how stress shuts me down. And NOTHING stresses me more then what others will think of me, of failing at an obligation.

Todays Report

• 6:34 am Klove is on, I love it!! Now off to get garbage bags and boxes.
• 6:38 am I have garbage bags, boxes and tape. Yuck it is cold outside!!! My poor birds. I hope my new tekfoil insulation comes soon so I can repair their home. Mental note turn on their heater today.
• 6:40 Klove song - In the hands of God we stand tall.... got to love it!
• 6:48 boxes taped and labeled.
• 6:55 Klove song - Don't give up now, the sun will soon be shining. You've got to face the clouds to find the silver lining... I am working on misc things on the office floor.
• 7:04 One full bag of garbage going out of the room. K-Love Savior, He can move the mountains. For my God is might to save, he is mighty to save.
• 7:06 K love, Rid me of myself, I belong to you. Lead me...
• 7:13 I heard a buss outside and thought it was the dumpster, and remembered.. OH no, I forgot to move the van. It is now moved. Boy it is cold, I plugged in warming mat for my chickens... I hope that helps.
• 7:21 One clutter box empty.
• 7:27 Stats: 2 clutter boxes/bins empty, 1 DI box full, 0 Keep boxes full, 1 garbage bag full.... Holy holy holy, is the Lord god almighty (Klove)
• 7:40 I love all my kids art I cant ever throw any of it away. Stats: 4 clutter boxes/bins empty, 1 DI box full, 0 Keep boxes full, 1 garbage bag full.
• 7:45 Thank Goodness... I found my husbands drivers licence, he will be thrilled. He texted back "Awesome."
• 7:51 Beautiful song! Jeremy Camp - There Will Be A Day Lyrics,

I know the journey seems so long
You feel your walking on your own
But there has never been a step
Where you’ve walked out all alone

• 7:56 Even when all hope is gone, and I've been wounded in the battle, he is all the strength I will ever need, he will carry me. Stats: 5 clutter boxes/bins empty, 1 DI box full, 0 Keep boxes full, 1 garbage bag full, 1 paper box full.
• 8:05 To God alone be the glory. Stats: 6 clutter boxes/bins empty, 1 DI box full, 0 Keep boxes full, 1 garbage bag full, 1 paper box full.
• 8:21 I will rise, when he calls my name, no more sorrow no more pain... I checked in on my children, kissed them and tucked them in. Washed a batch of laundry, my DH is so patient with me. Stats: 6 clutter boxes/bins empty, 1 DI box full, 0 Keep boxes full, 1 garbage bag full, 1 paper box full, 1 batch of laundry washed.
• 8:31 Boyo woke up, I love that little guy.... Stats: 7 clutter boxes/bins empty, 1 DI box full, 0 Keep boxes full, 1 garbage bag full, 1 paper box full, 1 batch of laundry washed...
• 8:33 Stats: 8 clutter boxes/bins empty, 1 DI box full, 0 Keep boxes full, 1 garbage bag full, 1 paper box full, 1 batch of laundry washed.
• 8:36 Boyo is happy I found his trains while cleaning... Stats: 9 clutter boxes/bins empty, 1 DI box full, 0 Keep boxes full, 1 garbage bag full, 1 paper box full, 1 batch of laundry washed.
• 8:42 Stats: 10 clutter boxes/bins empty, 2 DI boxes full, 0 Keep boxes full, 1 garbage bag full, 1 paper box full, 1 batch of laundry washed.
• 9:06 Blessed be the name of the Lord. Blessed bee your glorious name. Every blessing you pour out I will turn back to praise. 12 clutter boxes/bins empty, 2 DI boxes full, 1 Keep boxes full, 1 garbage bag full, 1 paper box full, 1 batch of laundry washed.
• 10:01 Healing rain, is coming down, is coming down to this whole town... The girls have been awake for a while. I went to talk to them and check in with them. Now back to work.
• 11:13 Fed the kids Tooth Diet for breakfast (sausage and tater tots), washed another load. Stats: 12 clutter boxes/bins empty, 2 DI boxes full, 1 Keep boxes full, 2 garbage bag full, 1 paper box full, 2 batch of laundry washed.
• 11:53 Kids got their new hello Kitty alarm clock that they earned on Childzilla.com, we set it up for tomorrow morning. Stats: 12 clutter boxes/bins empty, 2 DI boxes full, 1 Keep boxes full, 2 garbage bag full, 1 paper box full, 3 batch of laundry washed.
• 12:17 I decluttered all the bins on the office floor. Now I am starting on the bottom of the bunk bed in left in the office. Stats: 16 clutter boxes/bins empty, 2 DI boxes full, 1 Keep boxes full, 2 garbage bag full, 1 paper box full, 3 batch of laundry washed.
• 12:33 Stats: 19 clutter boxes/bins empty, 2 DI boxes full, 1 Keep boxes full, 3 garbage bag full, 1 paper box full, 3 batch of laundry washed.
• 12:48 I found my boys Leapster, everyone is so excited. The dumpster has not shown up yet. I am afraid I mixed up the addresses and told them to take it to the new home this week instead... OOppss... Lets hope not. The kids and I are loading up to drive by and see if it is there. Also we are going to buy laundry soap, and batteries for the leapster. Stats: 19clutter boxes/bins empty, 2 DI boxes full, 1 Keep boxes full, 3 garbage bag full, 1 paper box full, 4 batch of laundry washed.
• 3:12 Checked on the dumpster, it will come tomorrow. Went to the store. Made lunch. Replied to emails. Washed another load of laundry. Now I am heading to homedepot for bins for the bird food and camping supplies. Stats: 19 clutter boxes/bins empty, 2 DI boxes full, 1 Keep boxes full, 3 garbage bag full, 1 paper box full, 5 batch of laundry washed.

Feeling Good

Today the city is leaving a dumpster at our home. We had hoped to have the home cleaned out and all the extra unwanted stuff, that was not good enough for the DI, ready to go into the dumpster. But alas that is not where we are at. I took today off of work because I feel and inspiration coming on, and I am ready to attack my home. These To-Do lists on here have proven to be helpful so I am going to try that again today. Well.. Actually my to do list is simple to get me started.

1. Move the van off of the driveway so the dumpster has room.
2. find garbage bags
3. Bring in a handful of boxes.
4. tape together two boxes, 1 for keeps, and 1 for DI.
5. Turn on Klove in the office.
6. Start sorting through boxes, quickly, send most stuff to the DI or dumpster.
7. Report in here my progress.

Sounds good, lets go!

My husbands idea of taking very little, so we can start over new, has really simplified the process...

My plan was open up ever bin, shelf, box, place where stuff is. Pick up each item and as yourself, do I love it enough to put it away, if yes then ask yourself where does it go, sort by room. The thought process is too complicated and emotional. Now instead I ask myself do I throw it away or send it to the DI, and if I find I rebel against getting rid of it I keep it. My goal is to give away or throw away over 50% of the stuff.. lets see how I do.

Thank Goodness for Husbands!

A little over a year ago I started working form home, and my husband took up a second job. We choose this dramatic change in our family lifestyle inorder to accelerate our family paying off of its debts. The plan was pay off debt first then buy a home. But God brought a home to us so we changed up the order of events. Now buying a home is financially daunting, but doable. The time it takes to buy and move and repair is more daunting. I find my self wishing my husband did not work a second job, allot. I have the ability to easily add on or take off extra hours at work, so I am asking him to consider switching who is working the extra hours. There really is no perfect answer. Working extra hours is hard on the family either way.

In many ways I have enjoyed the benefits of having a devoted and available husband. Many times in our early married life I told my husband that I needed to go and see a councilor. And he always said, that is a good idea, but first start by telling me what is wrong. I love that man. Goodness the hours and hours of time he has spent "counseling" me. Every relationship has its strength, and ours is talking. We love to talk with eachother for hours.

In the LDS church we have eternal marriage. This eternal marriage brings a different prospective to the family relationship. My husband and I are sealed to each other for eternity, and our children are sealed to us as children. Our children will each grow up and eventually be sealed to their spouses. Because of this eternal bond we feel the husband wife relationship takes precedence over the parent child relationship. Or as my husband puts it, if Mama is not happy, ain't no buddy happy. We find that if we pull in, and solve problems, first as a couple, then we are stronger and more unified when we then turn to the kids and solve the problems with the kids.

You know how kids always respond to stress. Unfortunately there have been many a day when we have hugged the kids told them we love them, found them entertainment and then locked ourselves in our room as a couple to work things out. Many of these times the kids have been stressed, if they show higher signs of stress we will repeat, hug, love, food, entertainment, back to couple time. It is a bit hard on the kids at first in stressful times. But within a matter of time we emerge from our bedroom unified, happy and hopeful, ready to share that energy with the kids. This difficult time always ends in quality kid time, to share with them what we worked out as a couple first. At these stressful times we remind ourselves, we are the ones sealed to each other eternally, our relationship has to take priority.

Well, that was a tangent.... Needless to say my husband has spent allot of quality time talking with me, and helping me sort myself out... His working two jobs has cut into this, so instead I have taken up writing. I find that when I write I can almost sort it out as well as when I talk to my husband.

Only Half of the Story

It seems I am much more likely to post on my blog on my bad days. Those are the days I am all a fuddle and need to sort my brain out. The good days I am away from my computer more getting things done.

Hubby

My husband is coming home to rescue me. He wants to clean one room. He wants to do what he calls "Noah's Ark Packing" take the few listed needed items, and start new, get ride of the rest. I am just glad to have him home, and I hope the packing will work his way.

Due Dates

It seems that getting things done is easier when you have a short term real date that you need to accomplish it by.

Cleaning Plan Over View

Wednesday

1. 5 min maintainance
2. Quick clean Fr, Kt, Hl, Bth
3. Find Alarm Clocks
4. Load DI into van
5. Quick Clean back
6. Clean off Carport
7. Run Van Load
8. Visiting Teaching

Thursday

1. 5 min maintainance
2. Quick clean Fr, Kt, Hl, Bth
3. Send bank statement
4. Find pay stubs and send
5. Declutter out Storage Shed
6. Run DI Load if needed

Friday

1. 5 min maintainance
2. Quick clean Fr, Kt, Hl, Bth
3. Continue Storage Shed Declutter
4. Get rid of the rest
5. Run DI Load

Saturday

1. 5 min maintainance
2. Quick clean Fr, Kt, Hl, Bth
3. Clean out Storage Shed
4. Neat Stack Boxes Left
5. Match a lid to each bin
6. Get Rid of extra Bins/ Lids

Monday

1. 5 min maintainance
2. Quick clean Fr, Kt, Hl, Bth
3. Declutter downstairs kitchen
4. Start decluttering out boxes in pantry

Tuesday

1. 5 min maintainance
2. Quick clean Fr, Kt, Hl, Bth
3. Continue Pantry Declutter

Wednesday

1. 5 min maintainance
2. Quick clean Fr, Kt, Hl, Bth
3. Fill up the dumpster

Thursday

1. 5 min maintainance
2. Quick clean Fr, Kt, Hl, Bth
3. Restart Office Declutter

Friday 9th

Lets hope we close this day

1. 5 min maintainance
2. Quick clean Fr, Kt, Hl, Bth
3. Continue Office Declutter
4. Pack up K12 Stuff

Saturday

1. 5 min maintainance
2. Quick clean Fr, Kt, Hl, Bth
3. Super Saturday, you earned it, enjoy it!

Monday

1. Tear out carpet in new home
2. take out fridge
3. cut out bad drywall in basement

Tuesday

1. Clean yard in new home
2. throw away wood pile
3. take down moldy dry wall in out building

To Do This Evening

1. Wash laundry - Done
2. Make a snack - Done
3. Call Visiting Teaching companion - DOne
4. Make dinner - Papa Did this for me
5. Have DH Sign the Documents - Done
6. Get ready - Done
7. Go Visiting - Done
8. Fax Documents - Done
9. Pary for Guidance - Done
10. Make a Plan for Tomorrow - Done

Avoiding Crisis Living

Well I just stumbled across this little lesson, while using google to make sure I was using the term "Crisis Living" correctly.

Avoiding Crisis Living, “Lesson 44: Avoiding Crisis Living,” Young Women Manual 3, 160

1. Establish priorities. Each week or each day, consider what you have to do; then decide which things are most important. Do the most important things first.

2. Eliminate unimportant things. You may find that some of your activities only waste time and do not add much to your life. Eliminate the unimportant things.

3. Improve work and study habits. Discipline yourself to work and study hard. Start on long-term projects well before they are due.

4. Recognize your limitations. Remember that no one can do everything. Be realistic in your expectations of yourself. Avoid comparing your abilities with those of others.

Primary Success

My kids all had their parts memorised perfectly and said them clear and understandably at the primary program today. And all but a few understandable wiggles in my youngest, my boy, were well behaved. I am very pleased with them.

Mama Muffin

What Aluminum Poisoning?

Maybe it does not exist. Maybe it is the medical fad I am caught up in right now. It offers such a pretty picture, such an easy way out. I can just claim all these problems are caused by aluminum and then feel that explains it all away.

My worst childhood memories are around cleaning and my mother. I was always well known for my inability to clean as a kid... Then as a newly wed I went through a depression as I worked through all the feelings I had around cleaning. At this time my husband could not mention cleaning to me without me being depressed for a month... Then my excuse was I could not clean because my home was too small... Then my excuse was that my daughter took up too much of my time... Then my two daughters... Then my excuse was my stress level as I added in my son and adopted daughter at the same time. My excuse continued to be stress throughout the long drawn out legal battle with my adopted daughters birth mother... Then the condo remodel was my excuse for a disorderly home... Then my difficult pregnancy was my excuse. Then my new baby was my excuse... Then my move was my excuse... Then living with my MIL and having family drop by unannounced was my excuse... Then the stress of kids again... Then the seasonal flair up as my MIL came and snowbirded in the basement of the home we rented from her... Then the miscarriage... Then the fire... Then the mental break down... Then the Thyroid problems... Then the anxiety... Then the move back in was my excuse... Then....

Ah, then I remember that brief golden time. I had all the insurance money to get the home set up the way I wanted to after the fire. I only unpacked things as I found homes for them. I bought all the best home organisers. I bought home decorations, for the first time. My home was organised to the T, and decorated to the T.

Then the holidays... Then another miscarriage... Then another miscarriage... And finally, a limp half alive Mama wondering if she had the will to live... Then... A year and a half later my home has not recovered because I lost faith. I mean... My next excuse for not being clean was a lack of faith... Then I choose to have faith, and just like C.S. Lewis described in the screwtape letters, I felt the sweet joy of early success. Followed by the gut wrenching, you must prove to all existence that you can make it on your own, on principal and personal strength alone, it must be your victory... Then my excuse was my work schedule... And now... Now it is aluminum...

Aluminum is such an easy answer, like thyroid, like anxiety, like many others. It has in it all the elements. All the personal weakness I have struggled with for my life are right there, wrapped up in aluminum poisoning. It is so easy to see how my stress caused me to stop cooking from scratch. How my family ate more fast food, and out of more boxes, then I would care to say. Ok I can say. I do not even plan on real cooking any more, I have come to the conclusion it requires more of me then I can give. My meal plans are.... Open a box, mix in required ingredients, cook for as long specified and eat. Except for when they are not, then my meal plans are load up the kids, pull up to the drive through, order, pay and eat. Seriously years ago I was appalled at others who ate like this. It makes sense that averaging one box of muffin mix a day for a year and a half would have its negative effects... doesn't it?

My sister once described to me a personality type that wants to live their life in constant crisis mode. She did not say it, but I though it, doesn't that just sound like me? My next thought was. What is a person to do. Does anyone else know what it feels like, to throw every ounce of your effort at life, to give it your all, and to come out a failure over and over and over and over and over again. At some point that person has to decide what they think of themselves. Are they infact a hopeless failure. In which case, the solution is sit down and let the tidal waive of life over take you. Success is not possible, so why try. Then it does not take long for such a hopeless failure to realise just how miserable being hopeless is, and maybe trying would at least be a little bit better. Oh the other choice. Ask yourself why at the end of it all you ended up as a failure. Reason it through, and see what stoped you from your success, and hypothesise about ways you can try something different, in hopes to get a different result. Basically try, try and try again.

I read on a blog the other day that life is about singing in the rain and dancing through the storm, not waiting for it to pass. I get that, I see now that life is a storm of experience that waxes and wanes.

So then I guess I could ask. Why is it that you feel like a complete failure and completely inadequate if you fail at organization. Why is it that organization is the all magic attribute that decides if you are valid and successful, good and worthy, respectable and valuable. Why not all your other attributes?

Then I hear in my self the answer, organization is the foundation to a good life, everything good in life needs organization to thrive. And I hear... A persons level of organization and cleanliness is a reflection of that persons character. A clean and orderly person has a clean and orderly character, a disorderly and dirty person is obviously lacking greatly in character... And then i think of all the extremely well organised people that have made me feel like a pile of heap. And I remember that I value being considerate to others over being organised. I remember that I have seen quite a few people who are the picture of organization, that lack in character.

So now I ask my self, after all these years, where do I find that place? That place where I am good in spite of my great weaknesses.

I have had the privilege to visit a few of my highly respected neighbors and see how disorderly their homes were. They were not stressed or uncomfortable. And they were still very respected. Their personal worth was not at risk because of their cleanliness. I then look around and I see that i am as close to heaven as one can get here on the earth. I am in a neighborhood where I remain respected and valued in spite of the many character flaws I have not been able to hide. I wonder if some day my mind will catch up with my neighbors. It would seem I am the one who is most guilty of judging myself.

Whew.... enough of that.... maybe now that I have that all written down I will not have to go through that thought process for a while.

To Do Today

General Overview

1. Get ready for Renee
2. Get ready for Woman's Conference
3. Have kids practice for primary program

Practicing for the primary program

1. find the parts - Done
2. have kids practice sitting quietly while waiting their turn - Done - This went badly the first time, with my son crying because he could not play on the computer.
3. have each kid read their part - Done, Went well because I made picture ques for their parts.

Getting ready for woman's conference

1. find outfits for everyone - done
2. wash outfits - done
3. find shoes - done
4. shower
5. do hair

Getting ready for Renee, the big one.

1. Straighten up back yard - done
2. sweep off concrete - done
3. scrub toilet - done
4. quick clean bathroom - done
5. wash up bathroom - done
6. gather up red and white things - done
7. de junk kitchen - done, mostly
8. de junk freezer and fridge
9. empty out sink
10. wash out sink
11. prep wash dishes
12. clean off counters
13. clean off table
14. declutter front room floor & couches - done over halfway
15. declutter hall floor - done
16. declutter living room floor
17. declutter down kitchen
18. prep and bring up dishes
19. general declutter bedrooms down stairs
20. scrub downstairs toilet
21. declutter downstairs bathroom

What about food??

1. clean out sink first -
2. then wash bowl and pan -Done
3. make cornbread mix that does not have aluminum on the ingredients list, breakfast - Done
4. Instant meal lunch
5. dinner?? buy butter and milk so she can make macaroni and cheese?

The order of the day.

1. Find parts - Done
2. Call kids - Done
3. Have kids practice parts while I make cornbread.- Done
4. Then have kids get outfits while I clean - done
5. Then have kids work outside while I work in the kitchen - done
6. Then hose off cement or show kids how to do it. - done
7. Then we all work together on the general house until they are done - got allot done
8. Then they go play while I finish up.

Will Power

Now I know what to do, I have a plan, now it is about will power... It is about resisting the temptation to go close my self up in my dark bedroom alone in peace and sleep. And it is about having faith that it will work out well, that going down to spend time with my kids will be enjoyable, and not degenerate into a frustrating experience. I think that is my fear.

My son is alone in the front room, that I think I can handle... Instead I am going to sit in the front room and spend time with him. Maybe the trick is to spend time with the kids one on one so I am not over stimulated.

Muffin Mama

Sticky Notes!

This blog is turning into a sticky note system. I am leaving all these post with highlighted sticky notes to help me remember that I do have a plan on how to improve my sleep, I do have a plan on how to (what was that, I forget... Referring back to blog.) clean, I do have a plan on what to do tomorrow, and i do have a plan on how to be a good mother to my kids tonight.

Muffin Mama

My kids need attention...

I have been shut down or sleeping for most of the day. It is now past bedtime and my kids need attention. I should go down and sit by them and let them talk and tell me about their day. But when they talk I have a hard time listening to it. Normally that is because I am trying to think or do something else, and it interrupts me. Maybe if I go down with the plan to do nothing else bu listen I will find I have an easier time?

I hope they have had enough to eat, I might need to find them something else to eat before bed. Also I need to remember their scripture reading.

The Muffin Mama

Clutter, Clutter, Everywhere!

My home is not getting cleaned or packed right now. I need to do better here. Frist off I think I need to regulate my sleep better.... Then...

When I try to make a plan on what to clean/ pack next, it sounds great at the time. Then the next day when it is time to do the cleaning and packing that plan does not suite me. So I rebel against cleaning and packing and don't do anything. Next day I am back to making a plan.

Oh, I remember now my solution. Books on tape, CD or Ipod. Listen to stories while you work, to keep you focused, positive and your brain active on something other then worrying that nothing will go right. By listening to stories my brain stays occupied and positive so I can work. I have a harder time now, then I use to, working while listening to a story, but I still get allot more done when I have something to listen to.

The Muffin Mama

Cant get enough sleep

I work at home right now taking inbound customer service calls for a credit card company. I asked for a costume shift from 5am to 8am seven days a week. My plan was to get done early in the day so I could spend time during the day with the kids. This plan has not worked out so well. I end up sleeping during the day and still getting really sleepy at night, in fact I am sleepy all the time. I am not sure what I can do to fix this, in order to reclaim my day back.

I could ask for a day off during the week to sleep in. But I earn enough off hours while working that I could take a day off ever two weeks to sleep in as I need it. I can not change to work later in the day, or I can, but then I would have the traditional 5hours a day 5 days a week shift. This does not work for my family because I homeschool, and there is never a time when my kids are not home.

I could focus real hard on getting to sleep on time...

Oh, now I remember what my plan was. I plan to set an alarm clock for my kids that regulates their sleep schedule more, in hopes this will help me regulate my sleep schedule. Now where was that alarm clock?

The Muffin Mama

Kids Activities

What do I do about kids activities? My girls are in Girl Scouts, Dance, Church Youth Groups, and other homeschool social events. Do I become a big hassle and inform them all that my kids can not eat any baked goods? Do I volunteer to always bring the treat, and stop other kids from having the fun? Do I just let them eat cake at activities, and hope it does not have that bad of an effect? Removing Aluminum from your diet seems to be quite the lifestyle change...

The Muffin Mama

Birthday Parties! The birthday cake has aluminum in it...

What will I do for all the Birthday Parties my kids go to...?

Thankfully they love icecream more then they do cake, maybe if you tell them they can eat icecream only and not cake they will be happy with that. Do I always tell the mother, please dont dish out any cake for my kids, it will make them sick? Or do I trust the kids to be dished out cake and not eat it? Or do I think one birthday cake here and there wont be that bad?

The Muffin Mama

Christmas Goodies....?

What do you do during Christmas? I live in a wonderful neighborhood, and right about christmas time lovely, aluminum full, home baked goodies come pouring in the front door as neighbors come to wish us happy holidays.... That could get real ackward, real fast.

The Muffin Mama

Eating out, and eating aluminum...

At the bottom of the article Taking Aluminum Out Of The Diet by JoAnne Struve it lists several fast food places that contain aluminum. I just tried to eat out with little aluminum, and failed.

My fridge is not working correctly, we thought it was holding in the cold better then it was. Today when I went to make lunch everything I would have made it with had gone bad. Of course I had started making lunch late so I had anxious and hungry kids. After fumbling around for a while I told the kids we had to go and get food.

While driving I told the kids about aluminum, and explained why we would be eating differently today. I ordered fruit and yogurt parfaits for each kid, and hamburgers with no cheese or pickles, and french fries. I thought this would avoid most aluminum, but as I pulled up to get my order I remembered that there was a concern about aluminum in salt. I hoped for the best anyways. Now I have just refereed to Taking Aluminum Out Of The Diet and realised that aluminum was in the salt. :( Better luck next time.

Appointment Forgotten

I just forgot another appointment... I was suppose to meet a contractor at the home we might buy this morning at 9:30 am. :(

Iron Rich Green Salsa

Recipe by JoAnne Struve

- Cut up 2 large tomatoes and put in a blender.
- Add 1/4 cup cut-up sweet onion. (If the kids won't eat onions, add it anyway, because onions are effective chelates that remove toxins from the body. And they won't be able to taste it in this recipe.)
- Wash and break up 8 leaves of Romaine lettuce or spinach. Fill blender half-way at first, adding 4 leaves at a time until all 8 are thoroughly blended. The mixture will be green and watery.
- Add salt (aluminum-free) and pepper to taste.
- I buy Mission Corn Tortilla Strips to use with this recipe, because they use aluminum-free salt.

Remembering my pills....

I am struggling to remember what I was going to write next, up till now I have been able to cover up the flaws this causes, but it is getting harder to keep it covered. When I am anxious or having a hard time thinking my head gets overheated and feels all clogged up. I remember.... Medical...

I have thyroid problems, anxiety, and chronic anemia. All my biological children have chronic anemia. I was on prescriptions for all of these. But I found that my worst enemy was my memory. I could not remember to take my pills regularly enough. In the end the medications were causing more trouble then helping because of how speradic I was taking them. For this reason I went to see an herbalist. The herbs were more gentle then the prescriptions, so I did not have extreme side effects for not remembering to take them on a normal basis. My last check up with my midwife my anemia and my thyroid were within normal levels. I feel the herbs have helped allot, but in a gentle way.

I am having anxiety when I think about seeing a medical doctor again. I researched and found the best thyroid doctor in the state, who is well known and highly sought after for his medical knowledge. Even though I highly value and respect my doctor I am anxious about going through the medical process again. I know he will believe me and listen, he is a wonderful patient advocate, but I am not sure I want to take on the rollercoster of forgotten medication again. And some medication can get in the way of the herbs healing, though I would think that thyroid medicine is low on that risk. I am trying to talk myself into going back.

The Muffin Effect

I am resisting the temptation to go into a long email explaining all the symptoms of aluminum poisoning I have. Long story short, I had a major house fire and 4 miscarriages in a year and a half, and have not mentally recovered. During this stressful time I took to making my favorite comfort food, all the time, muffins, from store bought mixes. I have made so many muffins my children call me the muffin mom or muffin woman.

I can't keep organised for anything. I have stoped even scheduling anything but the most important appointments because I can not remember them. The list just goes on.... I remember my mom throwing away the pan she cooked with the most when I was a child, and the look of dread on her face as she did it. I asked her why and she told me it was aluminum, un (I cant think of the word) coated, and she had just learned it was toxic. Needless to say I wonder if my whole life has been effected by aluminum poisoning.

In reality I am hiding in the closet of my home trying to regain who I am, and feeling lost. Right now I am in the middle of buying my dream home (or as close to it as we can afford), and rather then being productive, I am shut down. The stress level is high. A while ago I found that I could cope with these symptoms by avoiding any and all stresses possible, in this way I don't get too stressed. But I am not getting anything done to help me move to the #1 most important goal achievement of my married life, my dream home.

The Muffin Mama

Make your own aluminum free baking powder

In the article Hidden Aluminum in Your Diet - Baking Powder By Linda Pogue you can find this recipe for making your own aluminum free baking powder.

Homemade Baking Powder
1/4 cup baking soda
1/2 cup cream of tartar
1/4 cup corn starch
Mix all ingredients together until well combined. Store in an airtight container. When using this product, bake immediately after mixing up the recipe batter. Yield: One cup of baking powder.

ALUMINUM-ABSTINENCE THERAPY

Hello, I am a mother of four delightful children and I am 32 years old. I have troubles with short term memory, and this problem has been getting worse and worse. Short term memory problems in someone my age with out any injury, does not really make sense to many people. My medical doctor and herbalist were not very concerned about this issue. I started taking herbs that claim to help with memory. But I have not noticed much improvement. Finally the other day I started to wonder if maybe aluminum might be the reason for this problem. I was fortunate enough to find a web page by JoAnne Struve on ALUMINUM-ABSTINENCE THERAPY. This Blog will be place for me to journal about applying aluminum abstinence therapy in my life.

I started out by reading through the Signs of Aluminum Poisoning by JoAnne Struve. I was surprised to see that I had many of the signs.

• Heightened sensitivity to light or darkness. - Yes, when I am stressed.
• Abnormal sensitivity to hot and cold temperatures. - Yes, mild
• An aversion to noise, touch, movement, odors, etc. - Yes
• Unexplained feelings of apprehension or uneasiness. - Yes, always.
• Feelings of inferiority, embarrassment or shame. - Yes, always.
• Feelings of irritability, agitation or annoyance. - Yes, always.
• Bowel and urinary dysfunction (incontinence) - Yes
• Fatigue (extreme exhaustion) - Yes
• Sleep disorders - Yes
• Dyslexia - Yes
• Displaced or unsubstantiated guilt - Yes
• Unrealistic expectations of oneself - Yes...
• Forgetfulness (short-term memory loss) - Yes, this was my main complaint
• Difficulty managing time - Yes
• Diminished capacity to meet deadlines - Yes
• Diminished capacity to plan ahead - Yes
• Diminished ability to organize - Yes
• Diminished performance of former accomplishments - Yes
• Inability to focus or sort through problems - Yes
• Difficulty listening to others - Yes
• Poor personal hygiene - Yes
• Difficulty in showing affection - Yes
• Feelings of inadequacy and dependency - Yes
• Continuous talking or telling stories to strangers - Yes
• Divulging personal/private information to strangers - Yes
• Decreased capacity to handle personal finances - Yes

That was a score of 25 Yes's out of 63 symptoms so 39% of the symptoms.

I was surprised at all the ways Aluminum could affect my life... But I was unprepared for what I read next.

Taking Aluminum out of the Diet by JoAnne Struve

THE FOLLOWING PRODUCTS MAY CONTAIN TOXIC AMOUNTS OF ALUMINUM: Foods made with aluminized baking powder*, self-rising flour*, and salt.

Baking Powder?? - My kids call me The Muffin Mama, because of how much I love to bake muffins, and many other yummy things from store bought mixes.

Salt?? - That is in EVERYTHING!!! I have since read that sea salts are a good source of salt without any aluminum in them. I use to only use sea salts, then I started to have thyroid problems and after reading web pages about how Iodine in salts helps your thyroid I decided to start using normal salt again.

Needless to say I had a strong emotional reaction to this, and cried real good. Then I emailed JoAnne Struve. She gave me this additional information.

• Chicken McNuggets contain aluminum. Children who eat them regularly end up with symptoms of autism. - OH NO! my kids love these!!
• Pickles in fast food hamburgers and Subways contain aluminum. - If they dont eat nuggets then they eat hamburgars!
• Be cautious about eating the baked goods brought by others to church, because many of them are likely to contain aluminum. Even meat dishes are sometimes tainted with it. Eating the AAT diet is full of challenges, especially for children.
• Your friends will want to know about aluminum, even if some are skeptical. (They will read about it privately.)

The Muffin Man

Owed to my favorite comfort food...

Cuppy Cake Song

I love all things baked! Nothing like baked goods to bring back the feeling of happy family times, great gatherings with friends, socials with neighbors. Baked goods are comforting....

Now that I know about aluminum in baking powder, I can still have baked goods, but only baked goods baked by myself.... I can not eat any baked goods at restaurants, fast food places, friends houses, family outings, church socials, birthday parties... Sigh...

The Muffin Mama