Checking in...

The truth is I have not devoted as much attention to my children and them removing aluminum from their diet. I asked their girl scout leader about not having aluminum in their snacks, and she gave no solution or ideas... I noticed one day after girl scouts they were more cranky, that could be because of aluminum. I am not sure.

It seems I am limited in many ways more then just aluminum. Lol, I just feel human at this point. I think AAT will cure my brain fog depressed days. But I am not sure it can cure me of my humanity. My husband found this LDS scripture the other day in his reading, D&C 60:13 “Thou Shalt Not Idle Away Thy Time nor Bury Thy Talents”. There it is, listed in thou shalt terms, just like a commandment.

We have a family constitution that we read and memorise, that summaries many of the things we value and want to improve on. My kids have memorised "D&C 75:3 Behold, I say unto you that it is my will that you should go forth and not tarry, neither be idle but labor with your might--" .... sigh I have such a weakness of idling....

My blogging is in many ways my idling...

As I see it I have three major weaknesses...

1. Aluminum
2. Lack of faith and large amounts of doubt that my efforts will result in good
3. a habit of being idle, and idling away my time.

So AAT can help me improve #1, which might help me have more of #2, but #3...... I am not sure I want to give up hours of watching Rhett and Link on YouTube, or browsing on Amazon, or blogging, or emailing, or IMing, or Face Book, or many of the other idle things I do....

The Lds church really speaks out against addictions and substance abuse. I am addicted to food, and the Internet. I cant judge another's addiction, I done seem to even want to give up my own, I just am lucky to have a less destructive one.. or am I?

I can imagine all the happiness that would come to me if I were "anxiously engaged in a good cause". But that does not seem to stop the habit of living on and for the computer, and food....

I should spend more time with my kids, cleaning, packing, and being a good neighbor. But here I sit at the computer.

I think I am having a mild aluminum reaction today. My head feels foggy, and I don't really think much of myself....

Ok so there was run of thoughts randomness from me.

I am really very self absorbed.. But I really don't have time to care about others... Or it feels that way.

I will post when I am in a good mood and feel I can become the person I want to become, that will be an up day to balance out a mild down day.


Muffin Mama

Pray, step, pray, step.

On Wednesday I needed to write every little thing good, and listen to music, inorder to have the faith to try. I call that phase pray, step, pray, step. Today I am feeling great and have allot to get done...

I told my husband about what happened when I ate that danish. He was amazed. My whole life I have had bad days when I could not get myself to do anything productive. Very much like the day I wrote about after the danish. I cant tell you how much they have made me feel like a failure. I cant tell you how many self help remedies I have tried. But greatest challenge I face in my life right now is the loss of faith and hope. This is because I have hit my head against the brick wall of those bad days for too long. I stopped believing I could fix them.... I still had not gotten back to the point where I believed I could fix them. Only to the point where I decided to have faith in the Lord, and that I would put in the effort to try to change them, only on the principal that I needed to have faith. In some ways my faith was one of... I will have faith it will strengthen me... But I do not believe it can be changed.... Knowing about aluminum... might be the main and biggest miracle I have praid for, or have not prayed for because I lost hope, in all of my married life.

My #1 goal since I got married was... Be mentally healthy, and have a clean home...